I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
