you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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