OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
