I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
