You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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