Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
