Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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