I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
