I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
