I think my fart just growled at me.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
