I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
