I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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