hotel room ftw
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
