i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
