Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
