3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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