This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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