where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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