I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
