The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
