I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
