fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
