smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
