i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
