This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
