I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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