He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
