She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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