Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
