I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
