he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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