I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize