While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
