wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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