Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize