I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
