He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
