Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
