I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
