Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
