absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
