when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize