I'm gonna have a badass scar
is wine microwaveable?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
