Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize