We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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