your parents love me but you hate me
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
