The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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