everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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