I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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