At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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