The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
