In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
