Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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