I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
