dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
