Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
