that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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