he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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