I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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