Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
COCAINE IS GR8
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
