so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
