I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
