you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
